Here are the relevant images from this episode of The Lonely Hearts Romance Comics Podcast!
We mention an Archie (actually, Betty & Me) cover, so have to prove its existence. Here we go: 
And here's the play's script so you can follow along:
Further credits :
- "Comic Book Romance" (Theme for Lonely Hearts Podcast) by Johnny and the Jokers.
- "Here's to the Losers" (End theme for Lonely Hearts Podcast) by James (Vic Fontaine) Darren.
- Relevant teaser clip from the premiere of "Sugar, Sugar" on the Archie animated series (1969) as sung by the Archies.
Additional audio:
- Romance Comics Theatre Music: "Aloha Oe", Hawaiian traditional
- Proper attribution of quote over: "On Sale Now" by Daniel May
- Bonus clips from: "Tu veux ou tu veux pas" by Brigitte Bardot; "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky, starring Logan Lerman; and one of the Harry Potter films (I can't easily tell them apart), starring Rupert Grint