Superman II Movie Minute #15 – Let’s Talk About Kryptonian Sex

SUPERMAN II MOVIE MINUTE #15 – LET’S TALK ABOUT KRYPTONIAN SEX

Fire and Water Network All-Stars Chris Franklin and Rob Kelly bring you SUPERMAN II MOVIE MINUTE, where they analyze, scrutinize, and you’ll-believe-a-man-can-fly-ize the classic 1980 film starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder, and Terence Stamp, five minutes at a time!

In minutes 7000 – 7500, Superman makes a fateful choice, and the Phantom Zone Villains visit some local tourist traps.

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22 responses to “Superman II Movie Minute #15 – Let’s Talk About Kryptonian Sex

  1. After having read Man of Steel, woman of Kleenex I have to say this was always my problem with Smallville.
    When Clark has sex with Lana for the first time in season 5 he’s rendered without super powers making it safe for them to go all out and have whatever kind of fun they want without any danger…..(although, why they return to the Kent farm to finish out the night is beyond me.)

    When they do it a second time, it’s after Lana has learned the truth about Clark and through the lightning strike/Kryptonite power transfer, she gains enough of Clark’s power that they can go all out with no danger other than making everyone in Smallville think that there’s an earthquake…..

    Much later Lana undergoes a procedure to give her super powers of her own which allows her enough invulnerability to engage in human kryptonian intercourse…(unfortunately, Clark’s bed is not durable enough to withstand a round of Super sex)

    Now, sometime later, Lana is infected with Kryptonite and has to leave Clark (seemingly) forever and Clark has to settle for Lois. except Clark has never had to hold back with Lana in sexual situations and now with Lois…well, as a Klingon once said, “Human females…they are much to fragile”

    Also. there’s a matter of sexual satisfaction to be derived from the experience. While Lana or Lois may feel everything Clark has going on down there, (even in the safest cases) can Clark feel anything? Chances are that unless he’s having sex with a physiological equal, he probably feels as if he’s wearing a steel condom…no sensation at all. (again as in the article, he’d impale his partner….and not in a fun way.) All in all, Clark’s sex life is basically…screwed.

    1. This is why it’s best to leave concepts for a junior or general audience at a junior or general level. Adding realism to some characters crushes them under weighty real-world concerns.

      Also, it’s all fictional.

    2. I respectfully suggest that with his super-senses, Superman has super-sensitivity, so he knows absolutely everything that’s happening. If the lady thinks she can fake it with Supes, sorry, that won’t work.

      … why are we talking about this?

  2. What was to stop Eve from searching under Lex’s original hideout for that piece of kryptonite? or Ethiopia for that matter?

  3. Ok, while I’m very forgiving on movie Superman not having a Trouble Alert, this was a super-stupid move. Maybe that’s the point? Everything is “super”, even when he pulls a boner? (Heh-heh, “boner”.) STOP IT!

    The visual of GQ Clark walking out of fading Superman is still awesome. When I first saw this movie, it blew my mind, and like you guys said, it was a great touch to the scene. One of my favorite bits in the entire movie.

  4. LOved this episode.

    Can I say, as Chris was saying his theory of a movie with Brainiac, I thought he was going to end with the Sand Superman being the simulacrum. (Because I loooovvve the Sand Superman from Kryptonite Nevermore.) But no, he had to go to Bizarro, which makes way more sense than Sand Superman to everyone but me.

    As for getting rid of his powers, doesn’t Superman know that he can go into a room alone and just burn one off on his own before making a rash decision? Sometimes that can help you think more clearly!

    God, that comment seems more at home on OHOTMU or Not.

    1. I’ve read the first part of the Sand Superman, and never followed up to see the other issues! Help me DCU app, you’re my only hope!

  5. Chris, you were firing on all cylinders with those alternative movie ideas.

    This is definitely one of those cases where the idea of Superman giving up his powers seemed perfectly reasonable to young Brian, but old Brian is wondering, “what the #$%@ is he thinking!?!” Is there a type of kryptonite that robs Kryptonians of all common sense? If so, then someone must have left a piece of it lying around the Fortress.

  6. Hmmm….should you guys have Sex in the title? Some of us listen to these at work and what if the powers that be see we were listening to a Superman sex show on our computer. “Why did you leave your last job?” “Well, I got fired for listening to a sex-related Superman podcast or a Superman-related sex podcast; I forget which.”

    Just kidding. Enjoyed the show guys.

    I suppose I could ask if you guys are going to discuss could a human male make love to Supergirl. My heart has always belong to Batgirl and Wonder Woman, so I don’t guess I’ll have to worry about it.

  7. I just want to echo Rob’s thoughts on that scene of Lois & Clark in Batman v. Superman. I also strongly dislike that film but I really, really like that scene. The playfulness between them is so refreshing in contrast to the rest of the film and makes the viewer buy into them as a couple. At the same time, it frustrated me because it was like getting a glimpse into an alternate film that we could have gotten instead of the one we did get, and it shows how much more of Lois & Clark together we should have gotten before bringing in the Death of Superman storyline. (No offense to fans of Batman v. Superman, just my own personal thoughts on the film).

  8. I know you guys try not to talk about things that haven’t happened yet, but since I’m *pretty* sure you’ll never be doing “Superman Returns Movie Minute,” I can’t think of where I’ll have a chance to ask this question that’s been bugging me for years.

    In Superman Returns, who does Lois Lane think is the father of her son, Jason?

    Since Superman Returns accepts only these first two movies for its own canon, we can safely ignore any behind-the-scenes antics from any of the other movies. I therefore have to assume that Jason was conceived during the scene discussed on this episode of S2MM. But, as we all know (spoilers!), Superman mind-whammies Lois at the end of S2 so that… at the very least… she no longer remembers about Superman’s dual-identity.

    But just how far does that go? Did Lois forget EVERYTHING she’d done with Superman the past few days? Does she remember sleeping with him? Does she remember that he gave up his powers? Does she think she slept with CLARK? Does she think Jason is Richard White’s kid (just how long have they been together that Jason’s that old but they’re still not married yet)? Or has Lois really slept with so many guys she’s just not sure? So far as I can tell, Superman Returns provides no answers.

    1. She appears to not remember anything that happened in the past several days by the end of S2. She asks Luween, “What’s happening in the world?” or something to that effect, so she’s forgotten all about Zod.

      I haven’t watched Returns in a few years, but got the impression Lois maybe got some of those memories back over time. She wasn’t completely surprised by the revelation of her son’s super-strength.

      Chris

  9. Rob, I disagree with you. I WAS moaning and complaining about this movie “back then.” I just didn’t have any kind of a forum. I was a teenage Superman fan in the late seventies, and both movies were overall disappointments for me. This part of the story, however, absolutely took the biscuit. I don’t want to complain too much, because I know how much you and Chris love these films, and I really enjoy this podcast. But this was too much.
    But that’s not what I why I want to comment on this episode.
    Chris’s ideas for future film treatments were wonderful! As good as his idea for Marvel filme to do their version of Creature Commandos!
    But that’s not why I want to comment on this episode.
    Has Luthor been in the Fortress this whole time? How does the timeline work anyhow? Luthor leaves Fortress as Superman leaves Niagra as villains arrive in Idaho in simultaneous action?
    But that’s not why I want to comment on this episode.
    You mentioned Slim Goodbody! THAT’S why I want to comment on this episode! Gentlemen, I was Slime Goodbody! Sort of. Technically, I was “Bill Strong, Slim Goodbody’s Friend.” I was hired by Slim (John) as an actor to perform both “Slim Goodbody’s Musical Health Show,” and a drug awareness show. I did two tours visiting schools across the upper mid-west, southern California, and the New York tri-state area. I lugged sound equipment, trunks of props, including puppets and stilts, in a variety of rental cars. And, yes, I wore a leotard with illustrations of organs, muscles, and bones! It was lot of hard work and a lot of fun! I’m glad you remember Slim Goodbody!

    1. That’s incredible Terry! I very much remember Slim Goodbody. I was really young when I watched him on our local PBS affiliate (KET) and then early on in Elementary School on occasion. So cool that you were a part of that!

      I also appreciate your perspective on this film as a teenage fan at the time. I can imagine the changes made in these films could be quite jarring, especially when there weren’t endless alternate versions of characters across multiple media like there are now.

    2. That’s too cool. I remember a Slim Goodbody-like guy coming to my school, but it doesn’t sound like you made it out to southwestern Ohio. If you had, then that would have been super cool.

  10. Ok, gentlemen. 1st let me say thank you for doing S2-MM.
    As for the main topic of these 5 minutes, I feel like the explanation of why he needed to relinquish his powers was not given. In the Donner Cut however, I feel it was but I digress.
    As a 17 year old I justified this scene in my mind by telling myself that Lois had sex with CHRISTOPHER REEVE. When he comes out of the chamber he is not dressed like any version of Clark we’ve ever seen. He’s dressed differently and most notible to me was his full fluffy hair style. That chamber must’ve had a blow dryer in it too!

    (Anyways, sidebar. You mentioned how people hated that in BvS Superman let the Capitol building get blown up, however in the extended version they included a scene that explains the bomb was encased in lead. A pretty important point to leave out, in my opinion.)

  11. Surprised that you guys didn’t mention the Donner Cut and his concept for this scene, where Supes & Lois have sex BEFORE he talks to Joe-El and decides to become human. It seems to fix all the problems you mentioned since his decision to de-power is not about getting laid, but more about a life change. I’m fine with either concept. Both versions are bold and I think the execution of their scenes have its pluses and minuses. Lester’s has a virgin/Oedipal thing going on, while Donner’s has more of a Jesus/priesthood metaphor.

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