Gimme That Star Trek Ep.50: Starfleet Captains Hot or Not?

To make episode 50 of Gimme That Star Trek special by crossing over with oHOTmu or NOT with not less than 6 guests - the entire Hot Squad, Isabel, Shotgun, Josée, Nathalie, Elyse and Amelie! - ranking Captains Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Janeway and Archer on their datability. Which are Hot, which are Not? Only they have the power and lack of skin in the game to make that determination!

Listen to Episode 50 below!

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"Star Trek Theme" by Alexander Courage, with the Irredeemable Shagg on vocals. End theme: "Deep Space Nine Theme" by Dennis McCarthy.

Bonus clips from: "TOO HOT for Star Trek", sketch by and starring Jesse Mercury; Star Trek's "The Conscience of the King", starring Barbara Anderson; Star Trek The Next Generation's "The Measure of a Man", starring Amanda McBroom; Star Trek Deep Space Nine's "The Way of the Warrior", starring Avery Brooks and Penny Johnson; Star Trek Voyager's "Resolutions", starring Kate Mulgrew; and Star Trek Enterprise's "Home", starring Ada Maris and Scott Bakula.

And thanks for leaving a comment!

6 responses to “Gimme That Star Trek Ep.50: Starfleet Captains Hot or Not?

  1. Fun show! Not surprised by the results. I will say, if you are on a date with Picard and get in a scrape of some kind, he’s probably going to have call Kirk or Kirk-analog Riker to bail him out. See Star Trek: Generations and the finale of Picard for reference (runs for cover from Picard fans).

    But seriously, Sir Patrick wasn’t named “Sexiest Man Alive” during the heyday of TNG for nothing.

    I do think the myth of Captain Kirk being a shoot-from-the-hip womanizer probably colored the panel’s view of him. The myth is so persistent, even the reboot movies didn’t steer clear of it, and actually portrayed the character that way. Of course, I guess Chris Pine would get a pass anyway! My wife is right there with you.

    Would it change the panel’s view if Kirk DID know he had a son he didn’t help raise? Kirk’s line to his son’s mother in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is “I did what you asked. I stayed away”. Does this make Kirk a deadbeat dad, or someone who respected his former lover’s wishes and disdain for his military life enough to leave her and their son alone? Different histories paint Kirk’s knowledge of David differently, but I always assumed he knew about him, and wasn’t overly surprised to meet him.

    I’m glad SOMEONE finally called Janeway’s original “do” a Gibson Girl look. I always thought she looked like she needed to be in Anne of Green Gables, not Star Trek, with that hair style. Thank goodness they phased out the “Iron Bun”.

    I think the HOT Squad should come onto every show now and rate who’s hot and not. MASH, Cheers, JLU. Band members on Fire and Water Records. Sounds like fun!

  2. Unfortunately, no matter how hot a captain may be, their first love will always be their vessel/station. Thanks for another great episode, full of outsider insight.

  3. I don’t know whether to commend or condemn your restraint in not including in the Janeway clip or otherwise bringing up Threshold…

  4. Did you file not covering Christopher Pike alongside the current Star Trek and I missed it? Would be interested in hearing the girls compare Thirst Trap Jesus to Semi-Articulate Mannequin. Was there a Sulu disclaimer, as well? Just the Prime Distractive series leads?

    As a straight guy, this one’s a bit tricky for me, but I guess Picard would top my list? I keep going back to Lifeforce where he’s possessed by the gorgeous space vampire played by Mathilda May, Big trans energy there. Of all the captains, he just seems like the most pleasant and amenable to be around.

    Kirk does get a bum rap as a womanizer, but he smashed his face against so many’s women’s that he’s not NOT a serial kisser, at least. An attractive person who goes on a lot of dates with short-term consensual attachments. Less a Leo, more a Clooney.

    Sisko’s my favorite captain, and currently my girlfiend’s, but he’s pretty… intense. Too much of a military man for my taste. So many shore leave stories with Curzon Dax. Early series hair suited the character better, but bald Hawk has more eye appeal.

    Physiologically, Janeway is my only option, but that’s way too Oedipal for me. Exactly my type for having a platonic mentor-friendship without any sexual tension. I’d get along better with Red from Orange Is The New Black.

    My exposure to Jonathan Archer is very limited, by choice. Scott Bakula seems like a nice enough fellow, but not my idea of a starship captain.

    1. As I said at the top, Captains who hadn’t finished their journey, and that includes Pike, were not included (for length), nor were one-offs like Jeff Hunter and Sulu (again for length). It was “the main star and captain of a series”.

  5. I really enjoyed this special numbered episode! Hearing the Hot Squad giggle at the absurdity of nerdery always makes my day and this episode was no exception. It was interesting that all the captains got some compliments, at least. There didn’t seem to be any complete Nots among any of them. I thought Kirk would be a Not across the board so colour me surprised. As a fan of TNG, it was nice to hear the love for Picard. My secret shame is I’ve never seen an episode of DS9 so hearing the love or Sisko, I’ll have to finally watch an episode!

    This was tons of fun! Keep up the great work!

    P.S. – “High wasted pants drive me nuts”. More like they’re driving HIS nuts! Hey-o! ……… I’m so sorry.

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